How to vacation in San Francisco

Stay in million dollar homes with billion dollar views in Noe Valley, Mira Loma and Potrero Hill.

Eat Mexican in the Mission district, Italian in Nob Hill, fondue in Pacific Heights and vegetarian in Fort Mason; fall into the welcoming arms of delicious brunches all over the city. Worry about being detained by UK customs for smuggling a suspicious package into the country. Pray they realise it's simply a layer of subcutaneous fat acquired over the past two weeks.

Follow the Pacific coast south of the city to see elephant seals, soak up the sun in the Embarcardero, avoid the junkies in Haight Ashbury, view modern American art at the de Young Museum and check out hot gay guys in the Castro.

And, of course, catch up on the last seven months with the luminous Ms Molly (who I shall miss like buggery).

Tonight we fly to Chicago and then onto London; this trip has made me smile from ear to ear, and it won't be wiped clean for some time to come.