Stupid alert

I'm loath to throw a bucketful of hate in someone's face on such a B E Yootiful day BUT Gwyneth Paltrow, you totally deserve it. Could you be any more vacuous, irritating or smug?

Exhibit one: Gwinnie's interview with Self Magazine, in which she bangs on and on about how much hard graft and deprivation she puts herself through to have such a great arse (and no, she's not talking about her toss-pot of a hubbie, Chris Martin).

Gwyneth's life, it appears, is all about 90 minute workouts, snacks of raw almonds and agave, kale juice and coconut water and absolutely no joy whatsoever. Or something like that. A few paras in and my brain started to dribble out of my ears, rendering me quite incapable of reading further.

I suppose we should be thankful that at least she isn't playing the disingenuous celeb game of saying she eats like a hog and takes zero exercise. But seriously love, get your head out of your miniscule arse.

Yes we adore your star turn on Glee but perhaps you should keep your mouth shut. We don't care what you don't eat or how many times you can get your personal trainer's name into an interview.

And you might want to lay off the Botox too; your forehead is starting to look like my flat screen telly.