I've always fancied living in Scotland

Before you lick the stamp of your hate mail, just passing on something that caught my attention today.

Apparently there is a new settlement in Nairn, deep in the Scottish highlands, where properties prohibit the keeping of ducks, rabbits, pigeons, bees and, rather gloriously, children. You are, however, allowed to keep one dog.

To own a house in Firhall, you also have to be over 45 years and, obviously, this side of sensible.

Bandy about phrases like ‘child hating ogres’ all you want, but if you’d seen the spoiled little brat who put on a remarkable display of vocal gymnastics in Sainsbury's last night (including biting his hopeless mother who seemed oblivious to the waves of hate everyone was sending her way), you too might think fondly of a world without noise, the Wiggles or Justin Bieber.