Tuesday, 28 February 2012


Tonight, I did the unheard of and hosted THREE rugrats (that is not a typo) who are hoping to get a dog of a similar breed to Bristol so wanted to make his acquaintance.

Despite my misgivings, it went swimmingly well and Bristol, of course, adored the fawning attention.

I do, however, have three questions:

1) Why do kids do that high pitch squealy thing? And with such regularity? Bristol and I are now both functionally deaf, as is my neighbour four doors down.

2)Why do kids ask so many questions? I have no idea how the jellyfish got into the glass dome on my coffee table and nor do I care. Please ask someone else.

3) Is it strictly necessary to touch every item in my house? We have a LOT of breakables, most of which have been carefully shipped 12,000 miles. I will, therefore, be extremely cross if they are broken by some butter-fingered eight-year-old. Believe me, you wouldn’t like me when I am cross.

Thankfully, there was minimal damage to dog and house (perforated ear-drums aside) and friends assure me I will go to heaven for this. And, before you clog my in-box with hate mail, a simple reminder: it is 2012 not 1953. Contraception has been invented, women are allowed careers, not wanting to breed is a valid option and everyone is entitled to choose how they wish to live. You might dislike brussel sprouts, whereas I love them; you might wish to spend every spare minute sailing but I get seasick. You know where I'm going with this, right: you worship at the altar of children, me, notsomuch.

Now please excuse me while I go lie down in a darkened room and await for this ringing in my ears to subside.

(Pic credit: Google Images)


  1. I hear you on the screaming kids bit!

    Caught a bus yesterday which happened to be full of screaming kids and by the time I got off was not only deaf, had lost my mind as well! And not one mother told their little darling to sit down and shut up!

    Keep up the good work

  2. Sharon - Nathan and I got married in 2009 - but we are off to Las Vegas (again) for my god daughters wedding and Nathan suggested we get married in the Elvis chapel again!! Couldn't help but think of you and your beautiful white shift dress! Beautiful new home you have - welcome back! Lisa Shapcott (from LINZ days)

  3. Ahaha... hilarious! You did very well my little friend. I would've thrown the squealing monkeys out the 2nd floor window!! xx

  4. Hey Lise, great to hear from you...I saw Mikey a few weeks back while walking Bristol in the town belt...

    Are you on Linked In? I will try and send you a message..

    btw, totally DO get married in the Elvis chapel again...

    Love to catch up soon


  5. Oh Lil, I am still crying from laughing so much, reading your comment!

    Glad someone is helping me keep the faith - others are giving into the baby bug all over the show!




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